The Happiness of Lightening Up
The shrieking wail of my weather-alert radio blasted me from bed in the pre-dawn darkness. I stumbled to the next room to shut off the ear-piercing screech and, turning on the audio, learned that a thunderstorm was blowing through the next county to the north. I uttered a low, angry growl and crawled back under my warm blankets to wait for the more polite alarm of my clock. It wasn’t a very long wait.
The heat hasn’t been turned on for the season yet in the building where I work, so I shivered my rain-dampened way through the long list of emails requesting my immediate attention.
I wanted coffee and found my boss in the break room scowling and muttering under her breath. She hadn’t put the lid on the pot when she brewed the first coffee of the day and it was sitting in a pool of brown liquid and grounds. “Want some?” she asked, holding out the pot. “It’s crunchy. But it’s hot.” Hot was too good to pass up, crunchy or not.
It was an hour later before I really noticed the steady trickle of internal complaints that was dripping down the back wall of my mind. I had wiped out the first dribbles by focusing on the tasks before me. But now I realized I had a fair sized leak going.
I stopped what I was doing to pay attention to that sorry whine. What was I really saying to myself? What kinds of stories were running back there that were making me feel so listless and crabby? What did I need? That’s the only thing to do when a simple refocusing doesn’t work. Listen to what’s going on inside you. See if your body needs something. See if what you’re saying is true or if there’s another way to look at it.
I quickly understood that I was still reacting to the rude awakening from my pleasant dreams. I was telling myself I was tired and wanted to sleep, that I didn’t want to be at work, that I didn’t want to be busy. Was that really true? Despite waking a few minutes earlier than I had planned, I had slept well last night. My body wasn’t really tired. Why did I think I wanted sleep? I realized the room was a bit darker than usual and opened the blinds on the window to let in more light. If I didn’t want to be at work, what would I rather be doing instead? I thought about some attractive alternatives waiting for me at home, but they would entail being busy, too, and I knew I would have time for them when I got there. Were the tasks before me really that unpleasant or daunting? If I looked at them one at a time instead of as a great heap, they looked do-able. Easy, even. I was still a little chilly, but not miserably so. I decided to do that tasks that required visiting offices on other floors and walked the stairs to give myself some exercise.
The five minutes I spent listening to myself and responding to what I was saying turned my whole morning around. Honoring yourself that way is important. It helps you find the light in the gloom. It lets you turn reaction into response. And while it may not bring instant happiness, it points you in the right direction. It puts you back in charge of things and reminds you that you’re your own best friend. And that’s a pretty good thing to know.
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